Christian Marriage

We all have had and will have issues to deal with in our marriages.  The most dangerous way to deal with them is to  ignore them.  I used to be the kind of husband that ignored the problems hoping that they would just go away.  I learned that they do not go away.  They get bigger.

By approaching issues in marriage that are negative to your relationship you are weeding out the things that will hurt or even destroy it in the long run. Here is the way to see progress for the better in your marriage.

Observation- By paying close attention to your relationship you will begin to see what areas need to be addressed. This doesn’t mean to look for faults in your spouse. It means to look for anything negative in your marriage that seems to bring division.  Look for reactions of frustration, emptiness or wanting to be left alone. After you see the reactions, then make note of what you think might have been the cause. Try to be very objective by not casting blame. Just focus on the actions and the attitudes.

Dialog- This is the tricky part. Your spouse may not desire to discuss their actions or attitudes, especially if you see it as a problem. If this is the case then you start with something about yourself. You can start by telling your spouse that you notice how they react when you do this or that. Then ask them how they feel or what they are thinking when you do this or that. Be ready to initiate change in yourself. Tell your spouse how you do not want to create negativity in your marriage, and that you are willing to make a difference in your marriage by changing that particular thing.

Change- If your process stops at dialog you will never see progress in your marriage. Show your spouse that you are willing to make a difference in your marriage by changing something in yourself. Let them see the difference in you and in how it makes things better. Of course in the dialog, it may become apparent to both you and your spouse that a change in them is necessary. Allow them to change something. Each marriage is different, and some spouses are more willing than others. If however, we never approach change in our marriage then we will hit a dead end.